Let Me Check Your Body

Swimming suits don’t last a long time on CanKata. Between the sun, salt, chlorine (from marina swimming pools), and laundry detergent, the colour soon fades and the elastic soon gives out. I can live with the fading, but the stretched elastic can lead to OOPS – BOOB (see previous article).

While in Nai Yang – one of our favourite beaches on the island of Phuket in Thailand – we stopped at a small beach store to see what sort of swim suits were available. I was looking for an over-the-shoulder top versus the halter-neck tops that are so popular here. We had been searching for quite a while.

The friendly sales lady greeted us with “Hello! Welcome!”

Darrel asked her if she had any bikinis with over-the-shoulder straps. “Yes, yes. Come in!” was the answer.

So we entered the shop, and then she grabbed my shoulders and said, “Let me check your body!” She grabbed my breasts to check their size, then she cupped them to estimate their heft, then she felt my rib cage to estimate the girth, and so on with my stomach and buttocks. “I have your size!” she announced.

She found a box, entered it head first and dug around for a few seconds. “Here, try this on”, she commanded. “If you no like color, I have others!”

The little shop, jammed with all sorts of lovely sun dresses, short-shorts, halter neck tops and so forth, had a shower-curtain type dressing room. Our lovely sales lady pulled the curtains around me and waited patiently while I changed.  When I stepped out of the curtain, she yanked at the bottoms and stuck her hands in the top and announced, “Too big!”

Back her head went into the box and out came a smaller suit. “Here, try this on. If you no like color, I have others!” (Yes, it’s true: all her statements ended with an exclamation point).

When I came out of the curtain the second time, I was not subjected to another pat down. “Ah, yes, very good!” declared our lovely sales lady. “You like color? Here, pick the one you like!”

Up until now, we have not discussed price. Darrel and I had set the budget at 600 baht ($20 Canadian). While I’m searching through her selection looking for a color that looks good even when it has faded, I ask her the cost.  “450 baht – special for you because you first sale for today!” she said with a shining smile.

“How much for TWO?” was the only response I could think of.

In the end, we bought THREE, at the price of 400 baht each.

“Now, does Mister need a swimsuit?” she asked. “Will you be measuring me?” was the only response Darrel could think of.

He didn’t get one.